Our homes will soon be filled with the aroma of roast turkey wafting through the kitchen, and our dinner tables will be piled high with mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, and other holiday favorites to please our Thanksgiving palates. It’s my favorite holiday, centered around good food, family gatherings, and gratitude to the Creator, the Giver of all good gifts, untainted by the commercialism that taints Christmas.
But it will be uncomfortable for many, as families with different political beliefs brace for uncomfortable conversations. The recent Kentucky gubernatorial election, the 2024 presidential election, the Israel-Hamas war, and inflation are topics that are at the forefront of everyone’s minds, but few are willing to discuss them ( (especially if such discussions have failed in the past). Separating ourselves and our thoughts about important, even controversial subjects may avoid difficult conversations, but it rarely yields the understanding that brings us closer to our families and loved ones.
Think about what we celebrate. Thanksgiving is a season of reflection and gratitude. When this gets to us, there’s not much room for resentment around the dinner table. It may seem counterintuitive, but to avoid conflict, why not center your conversations around God, His goodness, and His provision?
Of course, it’s much easier to keep God out of there and stay within our metaphorical political tribe. Then we can beat the drum of discontent, speculate on the latest conspiracy theories, and plot political domination over our enemies. But really? This only leaves you with heartburn and a bottle of Tums on hand.
So how do we overcome the unhealthy tribalism that has reduced us to the sum total of political opinions? Start by recognizing that the crazy Republican or disgruntled Democrat sitting next to you is, first and foremost, a person endowed with dignity by the Creator. They are humans created in the image of God. If you believe this, you will become very humble in your opinions and your arrogance will quickly disappear.
Understand that your opinion is not everything. If you’ve been together long enough, you’ll notice that things change over time. Breathtaking! You may be wrong! Even if the other person is sitting right next to you, abandon unhealthy suspicion and build the conversation on goodwill and charity toward the other person. Especially if they’re sitting next to you.
Be grateful. It drives away dissatisfaction. We may be creatures with different experiences, beliefs, and markedly different political opinions, but we are creatures designed to live in community. We need each other and we need to find ways to interact with each other civilly and respectfully.
This means we should listen carefully. We don’t just think about logical flaws and ways to dismantle Uncle Bob’s political theories. But try to understand their life experiences and worldview. By doing these things, you may be able to regain your lost conversational skills.
You have to imagine that the Pilgrims did this four centuries ago. They took time to celebrate and give thanks, even though they literally joined different tribes with completely different beliefs and customs.
Imagine if the Pilgrims of 1621 had blamed God for their disastrous transatlantic journey. Their journey was blown off course by harsher weather, resulting in half of them dying in the first winter. They could have blamed their leaders for poor planning and lack of food, but they did not succumb to temptation. Instead of arguing with each other, the pilgrims gave thanks.
Records show that in the fall of 1621, about 90 Wampanoag Indians and 53 Pilgrims celebrated their first harvest and life in a new land by hunting, playing games, and holding a three-day feast. I enjoyed it. They thanked God for his mercy.
Edwin Winslow wrote about that Thanksgiving in a letter to a friend in England: After we have gathered the fruits of our labor…and although we are not always as rich as we are at this time, yet by the mercy of God we are far from want, and we invite you to share in our abundance. I often wish I had it. ”
The pilgrims modeled gratitude. Despite the severe hardships they faced in the first year, they found many reasons to be thankful to God. May we all find it within ourselves to do the same, and may it begin with our acts of charity to the people of other tribes sitting around our table this Thursday.
Richard Nelson is executive director of the Commonwealth Policy Center and host of the Commonwealth Matters podcast on Spotify.