Telephone standards also change rapidly, which can leave some people feeling left out or confused. Unwritten rules regarding chatting over the phone vary widely between generations, leading to misunderstandings and frustrations on all sides.
We spoke to etiquette experts and people of all ages about their own phone frustrations and created the following guidance to help everyone navigate phone calls in 2023. did.
These vary depending on your relationship, age, and the circumstances of the call. The closer you get to someone, the less the rules apply. Go ahead and FaceTime your mom without warning while you’re brushing your teeth.
DO NOT LEAVE VOICEMail
Voice mail is a product of a time before text messages. If you have information that needs to be conveyed accurately and in a timely manner, documenting it as text or email is much more effective. Most cell phones now transcribe voicemails, so people are probably reading the (probably incorrect) text version rather than hearing what you’re saying.
An exception to the no-voicemail rule is when you call someone who wants to hear your voice no matter what you’re saying, or when you share some type of audio experience. Think of a close friend or close family member singing Happy Birthday, a friend sending you a song at a Taylor Swift concert, or simply singing “I love you.”
If you have a long and interesting story to tell, consider sending it as a voice memo instead. It’s the perfect medium for monologues.
Calling someone without warning can stress the recipient. Instead, send a text message ahead of time and ask if you can talk now, call when you’re free, or specify a time you’d like to chat. If it’s someone you call regularly, find out what their ideal times are, such as after work or just on a Sunday afternoon.
Language and context are key in these pre-call texts. A simple “Please call me” message can create a sense of urgency and make someone think there is an emergency. Make it clear whether it’s an emergency or just a response. If it’s about a specific topic, write what you want to talk about in the text so the other person can prepare.
These steps are especially necessary for video calls. Having someone on video at an unexpected time can be embarrassing for everyone involved. You’re unlikely to start a FaceTime or other video call without warning.
Concerned about texting etiquette? We can help you there too.
No need to answer the phone
The responsibility does not lie solely with the person making the call. Just because someone calls you out of the blue doesn’t mean you have to answer. If you’re at a restaurant, using the restroom, or in a meeting, mute your call and try again at a convenient time.
“We all have control over our phones and can decide if it’s an appropriate time to answer,” says etiquette expert Lizzie Post. Co-director of the Emily Post Institute. “If someone interrupts you and you get annoyed, who do you think is to blame? You are the one who answered the phone when you weren’t supposed to.”
To be even more polite, send a text message. Smartphones allow you to send automated text responses when you are unavailable. This is useful if you want to let someone know that they can send a text but not a call, or that you’ll get back to them right away. Consider adding custom replies to your settings or entering new content each time. The default text can feel a little bland.
Emotions in audio, facts in text
Many things don’t need to be done over the phone. When deciding the best way to communicate, think about what you want to say.
Any time you need nuance, such as an opinion or an emotional issue, a phone call is the best way to discuss, update, or connect on a personal level. Updating facts, adjusting plans, or being more concise is often best done in writing. If something is complicated and becomes too long as a text chain, go ahead and ask if you can talk about it.
“Nobody can fight properly over text,” Post said. “I think sometimes it feels better to fight over text because you’re not actually confronting the other person, but it can be resolved much faster over the phone.”
Please wait, unless it is an emergency.
If the other person doesn’t answer the phone, don’t hang up and call again immediately. If the person doesn’t respond to your text message about a missed call, don’t email them about it.if that’s it teeth If it’s an emergency, please clearly state it via text immediately.
Use video voicemail carefully
Voicemail has been deprecated. Long live video voicemail. Apple recently introduced a new feature in the iOS 17 update that lets you leave a video message when someone doesn’t answer your girlfriend’s FaceTime call. It’s silly and fun and should be used that way, but be aware that not everyone will find it fun. Our Shira Ovide is ready to unfriend anyone who leaves her a FaceTime voicemail (FaceMail?).
Please remain still during the video call
Video calls on FaceTime, Google Meet, Zoom, and Skype are sure to get your attention. Prop your phone up so that your entire face fills the screen, not just your forehead or nose, and leave it there until the end of the call. When people, especially children, move around during a video call, it can be disorienting. If you want to walk around or do chores while on a call, switch to a voice call.
Do not use speakerphone in public places
Although many people (myself included) like to eavesdrop on the gossip of strangers, using a speakerphone in public is generally considered bad behavior. Whether it’s a regular call, a video call, or a smartwatch call, use headphones or save it for later. However, headphones only solve half the problem. The other person still has to hear your side of the conversation. If you are in a crowded place, such as an office or store, be aware of other people’s personal space and your own volume.
Video calls in public places are also a sensitive issue. There are strangers around you who did not consent to be on camera. Also, they may be seeing things on your screen that shouldn’t be there. Frame your shots accordingly.
Start call screening again
Apple also added new call screening features to iOS 17. This feature means you can transcribe your voicemail in real time and decide whether to answer the call during the call. For anyone old enough to own an answering machine, this is a welcome throwback. This feature allows you to avoid scam calls from unknown numbers instead of answering them all out of curiosity.
This feature is still new, so we’ll have to see how people feel about being ignored unless they have something worth saying.
don’t stop talking on the phone
Phones aren’t dead. While using the phone may not be as common as it once was or requires more planning, it’s still a great way to communicate. Talking to people in real time strengthens relationships, improves mental health, and reduces feelings of loneliness.