Everyone wants to find the type of love that lasts.
The ancient Greeks identified eight different types of love. And they are as important today as they were 3,000 years ago.
For your relationship to truly blossom, you need to understand and practice all eight types of love at different times and for different reasons.
Note that there is no particular order of importance for these types of love.
No love is more important than another. You need all of that if you want to be successful in the long run.
Here are the eight types of love identified by the ancient Greeks for building lasting relationships:
1. Eros: intimate love
Eros is the most obvious form of love. It means showing love through affection, touch, and intimacy.
The Greeks considered Eros to be dangerous because it meant “loss of control over primal impulses.” Eros is passionate and intense, arousing both romantic and intimate feelings.
And because it is unpredictable, Eros is also one of the most difficult types of love to maintain. Passion can fade over time.
Old feelings tend to fly away as you grow closer, more trusting, and more deeply attached to your partner.
Cultivating Eros is an important task if you want fiery passion in life. To regain your lost eroticism, surprise your partner with a romantic date.
Go the extra mile and try to surprise your lover in the bedroom (with his consent) and you’ll see how powerful Eros is.
2. Storge: Family love
The truth is, if you want to have a long-lasting relationship, you need to see your partner as a member of your family.
Storage is about loyalty, similarity, and trust. You can’t rush storage. It is the slowest kind of love to build, but once built it is not easily broken.
Living with a partner will help you a lot in building your Storge. So is spending holidays together, sharing moments of connection, and believe it or not, arguments.
Conflict is a big part of the family experience. If you can argue with your partner and still go to bed knowing that you’re as solid as ever, you’ve effectively incorporated Storge into your relationship.
3. Philia: Friendship
In the modern world, friendship and romantic love are closely linked. But for the ancient Greeks, philia (or friendship) was more valuable than eros (intimate love).
The ancient Greeks viewed philia as love between equals.
The key word here is equality. You can incorporate philia into your relationship by leveling the playing field. Look for aspects of your relationship where there is significant inequality.
For example, do you rely on your partner to do all the household chores? Maybe you always spend time at your partner’s house and never at your own.
No matter what area of your relationship you choose, once you eliminate that imbalance in your relationship, you will begin to create philia in real time.
4. Agape: Selfless or universal love
Agape does not mean loving everyone every second of the day, no matter what. Agape means loving your partner without any conditions.
The characteristic of agape is that it is love given without expecting anything in return.
If you are putting conditions or scores on your love, you are not practicing agape.
Agape is just one of eight types of love, so be careful not to overdo it. You don’t have to constantly put your partner before yourself to your detriment.
Doing this consistently will only create an unequal relationship and cause a lot of resentment.
5. Mania: obsessive love
Attachment can damage any relationship. It can lead to jealousy, possessiveness, and suffocation. So why should we practice mania in love?
Remember that all kinds of love add value, but only in moderation.
For example, if you see your partner talking to someone attractive and you get jealous, that might be a good thing.
In this case, the manic state you are feeling prevents you from taking your partner for granted. It will remind you of the strong feelings you have for this person and how far you will go to protect your relationship with them.
Feel this emotion, focus on it, and don’t act on it.
Mania brings you together as long as you suppress it. But if it overwhelms you and you start taking action, you’ll see that mania can be the love that ends all loves.
6. Pragma: Eternal Love
A relationship is about love that lasts. Pragma is a soft light that warms your relationships like the sun warms the earth. But this is a sun that never fully sets.
Building pragma means showing love and affection to your partner no matter what.
Do you only love your partner if they look a certain way, act a certain way, or do what you ask?
If so, you need to change your attitude.
7. Philautia: Self-love
Many people think of self-love as something completely separate from their romantic life. That couldn’t be further from the truth.
RuPaul says, “If you don’t love yourself, how can you love someone else?”
A lack of Philautia causes problems in many relationships. For example, if you don’t love yourself, it’s often because you don’t think you’re attractive, good, or worthy of love.
So what does it mean that your partner loves you? It could mean they have bad taste, are desperate, or are lying and don’t love you at all.
It may sound harsh, but this is all happening on a subconscious level. This can have a huge impact on your relationship, even if you don’t realize it.
Building Philautia can be done by yourself. It’s all about self-improvement. Therefore, set a goal for yourself and make a plan to achieve it.
8. Ludus: Playful Love
Whenever you make fun of someone you love, you are engaging in Ludus. Ludus represents the love of young lovers and the excitement and joy they feel when they are together.
Don’t be afraid to be silly and joke around with your partner.
If you can rediscover the playful side of your love, it will unlock a whole new dynamic you weren’t able to have. By joking, playing, and teasing, you can open doors you didn’t know were closed.
Just don’t confuse teasing with bullying, being cruel, or trivializing feelings. Ludus’ role is to keep things light and fun. I will not enter into a serious discussion.
Emily Baker is a dating coach and commitment expert. She has helped hundreds of women find the man of their dreams and build healthy, happy relationships.