If your town had a furniture store that boasted “the world’s largest indoor ropes course,” you wouldn’t have to wait three years to finally investigate, but lately my clinical depression has been I was getting in the way. Apparently I had better things to do than have a sublime experience in the form of “shoppertainment.”A YouTube influencer I follow said this in a video I watched. Last weekend, “Things don’t change unless they change.” I took that to heart and finally got out of my own way.
Jordan’s Furniture is a Massachusetts-based furniture franchise with locations throughout Massachusetts, Maine, New Hampshire, and Connecticut. Some have indoor ropes courses, others feature IMAX theaters andfascinating attraction”, but this is the only place with “the world’s largest indoor ropes course.” It’s located just off Interstate 95 in New Haven, CT.
This store exists right next to an Ikea on I-95, which is pretty deserted, which is always a big deal to me because you can pretty much guarantee there’s nothing else going on where there’s an Ikea. It was interesting. The billboard always loomed on the side of the highway, beckoning me to come and experience this wonder, or at least experience the furniture. I should mention that the sign says “IT”. Because they decided to call it “IT”.Adventure rope course.”
Email trying to contact Jordan for answers to my questions. Questions such as “What governing body decided that this is the world’s largest indoor ropes course?” “Why is it called IT?” “Whose idea was it to install a ropes course in a furniture store?” I couldn’t answer.
After a few Google searches, I was able to find the answer to one of my questions. IT appears to have been given its title by an organization called . world record academywhich advertises itself as “the world’s largest organization for certifying world records.” [sic]” – clearly another record that the WRA booked for itself. As someone who has no interest in world records, it seems to me that the WRA’s primary role is to award world records to companies so that they can use the title in their marketing materials. The World Records for Businesses page lists testimonials such as: Kurt Wojda, Heinrich Chevrolet Internet Marketing Manager (Largest Chevrolet Truck Parade): “I’m sorry, but if I had known about your company, I would have contacted you first. In fact, it was the members of that forum who gave you the information to me. I certainly wish I had known beforehand. Guinness was nothing short of a nightmare.”
Jordan’s has completely taken over the SEO of “World’s Largest Indoor Ropes Course” and as far as I can tell, no other course to claim their title, unless you want to count the American Dream Ropes Course, which is a family favorite. there is no.Of the world the tallest Indoor rope course. (This seems to be true: IT is 56 feet tall and the American Dream is 92 foot tall tower. )
With the help of my husband and a friend, I finally checked out IT on a Saturday evening a few weeks ago, arriving just as the sun was setting over New Haven Harbor. The parking lot was mostly empty, but before I pulled into the lot I noticed that the lines for the parking spots were painted in Jordan’s distinctive purple color to keep the brand consistent.
Jordans used to be new haven register Renovations to the headquarters began in 2015. It feels like a bittersweet commentary on the state of journalism in the 21st century. Elliott Tatelman, Jordan’s president and chief executive officer, said: register: “It doesn’t seem like a big deal right now, but you never know what’s going to happen in Connecticut. I’ve never seen a furniture store like this.”
Is there anyone else who didn’t know what was going to happen? myself.
We entered the front door of the store. The store still looks and feels like an office building, except Taylor Swift’s “Look What You Made Me Do” was playing loudly from the speakers around us. are also very similar. I was hoping to see a sign for the ropes course, but there was none. All we saw in the store was a calm furniture store, all gray and beige, armchairs, sectionals, rugs, dining tables. do not have It was an adventure promised to us, and it was by no means the “World’s Largest Indoor Ropes Course.”
As I walked towards the front desk, thinking of the best way to ask where “IT” was, I glanced to my right and saw something. A huge pink “IT” was shining in the pitch black space at the back of the store. ” and seemed to be floating in the air.
As I approached the void, I could hear classical music playing and the sound of water flowing. It wasn’t until it got dark that I realized there was a huge water show that was lit up to an orchestral arrangement of Joe Cocker’s “Up Where We Belong.” I looked up. A grown man was right where I was, being hooked onto a zipline and gliding through the air without using his hands. Water from the soft rocks splashed onto his tennis shoes and definitely soaked his socks.
We each paid $20 for our tickets and signed a waiver. At this point I started to feel a slimy sensation. It had been my idea to go into the IT industry, but it never occurred to me until that moment that I would end up facing a fear of heights (Normal If you’ve been reading his Gossip Tour blog, you might be wondering about my (You may be aware of your short-sightedness). Actually, I’m quite afraid of heights and hate roller coasters and high bridges, and I once stayed at a hotel in midtown where I had to close my eyes every time I entered a glass elevator. did.
You probably ask why We decided to spend the night at the “world’s largest indoor rope course.” Why would he bring his friends along to witness his vileness? I asked myself these questions as I unclipped my fanny pack and stuffed my sweatshirt into my empty locker. It felt like being at Chuck E. Cheese. That’s because this was a children’s attraction. I reminded myself that I’m not a kid, and soon I’ll be showing those four levels of swinging ropes and beams who’s boss. I walked over it so quickly that no one noticed that I was scared.
As a bored teenager put on my harness, I noticed a wall of discolored white Crocs. It was my first time to see so many Crocs outside of a department store. When I asked a bored teenager what Crocs were for, he answered, “They’re for when you wear open-toed shoes.” It makes sense that you’d need safe shoes to traverse the “world’s largest indoor ropes course,” but Crocs are unlikely to be “closed-toed” shoes. I’ve never owned a pair of Crocs, but he came close in the summer of 2020 when nothing else gave me joy. Rubber shoes may also be fine. But co-workers and friends told me so much shit that I decided to wear Teva instead.I have I tried wearing Crocs once, and they had such cushioning that I couldn’t believe they were made by pouring liquid into a mold. I thought to myself, “The only thing that would make the World’s Largest Indoor Ropes Course a more varied experience would be having Crocs at my feet.” But again, like Crocs, this experience was aimed at kids.
Once the harness was secured, I connected it to a cable system that would prevent me from falling to my death. As I walked up the non-crocodile staircase to her first floor, I immediately felt adrenaline rush through my body. I’ve said before that I hate roller coasters, but this is what I felt when I went up the stairs. I was on a roller coaster, But instead of giving way to gravity at the top of the climb, I had to willingly throw myself off the zipline ledge. This place was hell. This was hell for me and he paid me $20 to endure.
We took turns walking on increasingly unstable planks, climbing higher and higher, and I could feel myself sweating through my shirt. Finally, the moment has come to try the zip line. I stood on his two-story platform, ready to jump, to let go, hoping that the harness some bored teenager had hooked me to would keep me from dying, or at least from breaking my tailbone. I decided. After weeks of being so depressed, it was shocking to feel every cell in my body screaming at me to stay alive and begging me not to jump off that platform. I held my breath and let go, as if jumping into a pool.
I screamed even though no one else screamed, including all the kids who were there with their parents. After about 15 seconds of flying, I felt light, dizzy, and cold from the sweat and wind. I landed on the other side and the screams turned into laughter. No one was laughing with me, but I looked around furiously, wondering if I could do it. believe that? ”
The zipline cured my fear of heights overnight. After the first ride, I was able to traverse the gnarliest ropes and speed walk through obstacles to ride each zipline as quickly and as many times as possible. I threw myself off the platform as hard as I could to go even faster during the 15 seconds of flight.
After an hour, I found myself exhausted, thirsty, and sweaty. I got down to the ground and unhooked it. While my friends continued ziplining, I splashed cold water on my face and sat in front of a colorful musical fountain. Is this a verb for ziplining? My parents sat at a table near me, scrolling on their phones while the kids exhausted themselves.
The furniture store closed at 8 o’clock, so we had to exit through the back door, so the whole thing had a secret-like feel to it. Perfect sprinkles on the weird ice cream sundae that was our night.
I’ve never been punched in the face, but in the microseconds after being punched, the victim experiences a moment of shock as if a ring of birds floating around a cartoon character’s head actually became real. Then I heard. Then they shake it off and get back into the game. When we walked out the back door at night I had a big stupid grin on my face and felt like I had been punched. I blinked in the purple light from the giant glowing IT sign and said to my friends: Shit Was that it? ” That night, the story of the cartoon bird disappeared and I returned to the same apartment where I had been plagued by depression earlier that day. Everything was the same as I left it.
“The World’s Largest Indoor Ropes Course” didn’t overcome my depression, but it did remind me how strange the world is, even in the most mundane corner of the city I’ve lived in for years . Encountering something truly strange, especially in a place you think you know well, is one of those things that can shake you out of a depressing funk, even if it’s just a little. That night I remembered that I needed to muster up the energy to go through this strange experience. Of course, in the depths of depression, that often feels impossible. But, as my YouTuber Girlie says, “Things don’t change unless they change.”