He is young, single, and looking for “The One.”
That’s why Marcus*, an expat working in Singapore, uses dating apps.
“It’s hard to meet people naturally these days. We work too much,” the 30-year-old told AsiaOne on November 28. “Dating apps are a great way to meet people. I met my ex-girlfriend through them.”
But to her horror, Marcus learned on November 24 that a stranger had posted a screenshot of her Tinder profile to SG Women Ask. This is a Facebook group where thousands of women share what they know about the men they meet on dating apps. Singapore.
There is nothing malicious so far, he said. One member commented on his smile, and another revealed that he had previously dated an influencer.
However, Marcus was upset that his dating profile was shared on social media without his consent, which he described as “harassment”.
“I don’t like strangers commenting on my personal life or the things I’ve dated,” Marcus said. “It doesn’t feel good to have our dating profiles shared like this.”
“Forum to criticize fools”
Dating apps offer excitement and the potential for romance, but some women face disappointment as they encounter “red flags” during dates, such as inconsistent behavior or questionable demeanor, and their initial thrill turns to despair. Masu.
SG Women Ask is a Facebook group where women can openly share and spill the tea about men they’ve met on dating apps.
It’s done like this: A woman posts a screenshot of a man’s dating profile, his girlfriend’s name, and asks, “Would you like some tea?” Members answer what they know about the man.
These include screenshots of direct accounts and past interactions. Some of the comments are horrifying, detailing incidents of sexual assault, gaslighting, harassment, and abuse.
This Facebook group is set to “hidden” mode and future members must be invited by existing members. A woman who tells a male friend that she is being talked about in a group can be labeled a “snitch” by her managers and immediately banned.
“It’s just like men have Sammy Boy or Hardware Zone forums,” Christine*, a member of the group, told AsiaOne. “SG Women Ask is an open forum for women to call out fools.”
Christine said she was initially invited to join the group by a friend who had been in a “toxic situation,” but she joined out of curiosity and had no intention of actively dating.
This was an eye-opener for her as she scrolled through posts from women’s accounts of men she met on dating apps who later accused her of sexual harassment, gaslighting, and deception. It happened.
“One of them learned from other members of SG Women Ask that the man she matched with on Tinder was already married and had children,” Christine said.
SG Women Ask, formerly known as Are We Dating The Same Guy?, is more than just a “review” platform for women.
As the admins of the 2,700-member group say in the group’s description, it serves as a space for relationship support and advice. While many members offered guidance on egg freezing, an anonymous user asked for tips on having an affair with a married man and becoming a sugar baby.
There were also instances where women offered to “save” each other if the date didn’t go well.
Details of the man’s work, contact prohibited
SG Women Ask appears to share similar characteristics with “SG Dating Adventures,” a now-defunct Telegram group founded by local influencers in October 2021.
Shortly after Go Bun Ki created the group, one of the members created a Google spreadsheet titled “Date Guide SG” that summarized the details of “the men she talked to and the dates she went on.”
The 22-year-old later faced accusations of identity theft and harassment after personal information, including the man’s full name and contact information, was shared in documents and chats.
In contrast to SG Dating Adventures, members of SG Women Ask must follow content rules.
First names are allowed, but last names are not. Details such as the man’s occupation, home address and contact information are also prohibited. The group’s moderators encourage “kind and uplifting words” and strictly prohibit hate speech and bullying.
However, Asia One found several posts within the group questioning the “strict rules” such as prohibiting bullying.
When a member asked if there were any red flags for a guy named Tim* from Coffee Meets Bagel, another member commented that he was on steroids based on his topless photo.
In another post, another member wrote, “My honest and humble opinion. Here are some pictures of men. Most of them look ordinary and have receding hairlines like they are in urgent need of hair growth in Turkey. “Ladies, it’s time to say goodbye and stay strong,” she wrote. About fishing. ”
“Don’t cross the line”: Lawyer
Like Marcus, Jonathan* is another active user of a dating app caught in the crossfire of SG Women Ask’s “ugly crusade” against scammers and fraudsters.
When one member asked if she would “spill any tea” about Jonathan, another member, who was dating the man, told her to send him a private message instead.
Because of this, Jonathan was afraid that his reputation would be in jeopardy if people made things up behind his back.
“I think the whole concept is nothing short of cruel,” he said. “Obviously, not everyone gels. But sharing the experience of what it’s like to date with us is very poor.”
Mohammad Bairos, a criminal lawyer at IRB Law LLP, told AsiaOne that SG Women Ask participants could be liable for criminal prosecution under the Prevention of Harassment Act (Poha).
“Anything like sharing personal stories about another person on a public platform can be considered harassment, especially if it causes distress,” he said.
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Bairos said men whose dating profiles are shared within the group can also sue for defamation if false information harms their reputation.
He said that sharing such posts anonymously does not protect participants from liability, but that the group’s rules against posting harmful or personal content can keep them from legal trouble. He pointed out that it helps to avoid.
“Sharing your experiences on SG Women Ask should be done with caution. Even if it is for the purpose of social interaction, it is important to remember the laws regarding defamation and harassment and not to cross the line. is.”
Meanwhile, relationship counselor Dr. Martha Tara Lee told AsiaOne that Facebook groups do provide a sense of community and support for women navigating the dating scene.
However, she also warned that commenting from screenshots of men’s dating profiles could lead to generalizations and biases about certain traits and characteristics.
After all, the “red flags” that women define for men, such as not offering to pay for the first date or asking overly personal questions, may not be considered red flags to other women. there is.
“Women should use this group as a resource, but they should also make their own informed decisions when it comes to dating and relationships,” Dr. Lee said.
Not everyone completely believes what they see online.
But for Owen*, he found out what it’s like to date a member of SG Women Ask.
The 28-year-old said everything was fine for the first few weeks until he completely “ghosted”.
“I asked her what the problem was,” Owen said. “She told me that my dating profile was shared on SG Women Ask. One member claimed that she couldn’t trust me because I was talking to so many girls.”
“But that’s all in the past. I’m not a bad person.”
“SG Women is a platform for nosy women to ask questions.”
Jonathan said in an interview with AsiaOne. She said she understands the group’s intention to protect women from online predators.
But he felt the group had become a platform for “noisy women” to gossip about “normal, harmless men.”
“This whole experience left a very bitter taste in my mouth,” Jonathan said. “I’ve stopped using matching apps.”
“If a group of men shared or reviewed women they met on a dating app, I’d love to hear their reaction,” Marcus added.
Christine, who has been a member of the group for the past three months, expressed her displeasure at other members making “random” comments about men she had never met.
“But the women out there mostly make comments about men based on real experience and evidence,” she said. “If you don’t want to get nasty comments, don’t say bad things.”
AsiaOne has reached out to the administrators and moderators of SG Women Ask for comment.
*The name has been changed.
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chingshijie@asiaone.com