SINGAPORE — Love, don’t we all want to find it? But with the concept of romance constantly evolving, many of us wonder how to make our way to the heart of a romantic partner. I don’t know how to navigate.
Gone are the days of long phone calls and preparing for face-to-face dates. Now, with the swipe of a finger, you can connect with a large number of people through dating apps and even go on multiple dates.
What do young Singaporeans think about love today? Yahoo Southeast Asia We talked to people under 30 about their thoughts on relationships and the world of dating apps.
Why dating is so much more difficult these days
Violet Lim, co-founder of marriage agency Ranch Actually, describes modern dating as a “commodity.”
Through dating apps and social media, one person can chat with many people at the same time, creating a “paradox of choice.”
Lim recalled the story of a friend who went to the bathroom on a first date and came back to find that his date had already swiped on a dating app.
of Dating scams on the riseY (pseudonym), a senior executive in the advertising industry, also became suspicious of people he met online.
“Are they real or a scam? Are they putting on a facade? That really prevents me from getting to know anyone any further,” she said.
Mr. Y added that it was difficult to find people who complimented and added value to his life.
No need to rush into a relationship
Prioritizing self-care and having a greater sense of independence are some of the reasons why young Singaporeans are not rushing into relationships.
A Tinder survey released in May found that 80% of 18- to 25-year-olds agree that self-care is a top priority when dating, and 79% want the same from a future partner. That’s what it means.
“As we are more conscious and have the opportunity to work on ourselves, we know that the opportunity to meet one person who meets all our needs is difficult. We will not rest until we find that” ” said C. (not real name), 27 years old.
Liz (not her real name), who is recovering from a recent breakup, cites focusing on herself as the main reason she hasn’t jumped into another relationship.
Radio deejay Nat Ko, 28, has noticed that many of her friends are learning how to enjoy alone time, also known as “me time.” She says that when she’s on a date or with a partner, she has to be as alone or even more so.
Khayyam Lukman, a national serviceman, found that most of his friends his age were not ready for a committed relationship.
As a prepared person, the 25-year-old finds it annoying that the people in his circle are primarily looking for fun and friends with benefits. “They don’t want to commit to something or get hurt because of their personal beliefs.”
Why dating apps aren’t ideal
Mr. C uses a matching app, but sometimes takes a break from using the app. Since using her dating app, she has only met one real person, who she later became friends with.
“Dating apps are basically like social media. People are trying to show the best version of themselves, and I feel like that’s setting us all up for failure,” said C. Told. “I just want to know someone for who they are and decide if that’s what they want.”
Despite relying on dating apps to meet new people, Kayam finds them “tiring.”
A common problem is that apps tend to be used by people who are “bored” or want to waste time, and may not be the ideal place to look for a committed partner. .
Liz, on the other hand, stopped using dating apps completely after trying it for a few months. She cites push factors like stress, the overwhelming number of people to talk to, and unhelpful dates.
On the other hand, Mr. Y believes that matching apps are a good tool for casual dating, but he has doubts about the quality of people who use the apps.
“In Singapore, dating apps often feel like a last resort,” she added, noting how rare it is to find someone with long-term date potential.
Ms Koh feels that using dating apps has given her more clarity on what she wants in a relationship, but warns people can get caught up in the ‘illusion of romance’ .
“Many of us go into work with the preconceived notion that we’ll find ‘the one’ and that we can ignore seeing them for who they really are,” she says.
What young Singaporeans look for in a romantic partner
Interviewed profiles shared that companionship and stability are important factors they look for in a partner.
For example, Mr. C wants someone with whom he can be himself. Her future partner should be her “biggest cheerleader” where she feels accepted and free to be herself.
Other considerations include the ability to jump from deep, meaningful conversations to silly, pointless conversations in seconds, as well as traits such as kindness, selflessness, and respect.
“When I love someone, I truly give my all. I recently realized how much I need someone who will do the same for me. I want someone who has actions, not just words. A promise. I want someone to do what I did.’ You should do it,” said Mr. C.
On the other hand, Mr. Y is looking for someone who is mentally and financially stable and has a good sense of humor. Her partner will be her best friend and companion, someone she can trust to share her life with.
Liz is looking for a “good teammate.” She perceives her teammate as tame, wealthy, and someone with whom she can be her best self.
While there may be differences in personalities, what Ko considers when it comes to partners is alignment of core values. She wants someone who makes her feel safe, respected and enjoys her life.
Qayyum actively seeks people who embody both passion and kindness. He prefers words of affirmation as a way of expressing love, and he wants someone who speaks kindly and complements those words with decisive action.
have the right mindset in a relationship
Lim’s advice for dating is to know yourself and what you want. A good way to do so is to take a personality test. “Knowing who we are gives us a stronger foundation to work from,” she said.
She pointed out that the standards for a boyfriend or girlfriend and a life partner are different. Characteristics of people who are ready for love include being able to trust and be vulnerable, she says.
All interviewed profiles agree that ensuring one’s own safety and being completely oneself is a prerequisite before looking for a life partner.
“If you’re unsure of who you are and try to get into a relationship, you may have settled down without realizing it,” says C.
Are there any key signs that you’re ready for romance? “When you start thinking about your future,” said Mr. Y.