My partner and I have an “open” relationship in the sense that either of us can have a relationship at any time.
Of course, we have some ground rules, the most important of which is the inherent honesty of the relationship.
Without integrity, there is no trust. Without trust, there is no relationship because there is no relationship.
As a man in this scenario, I would like to point out my personal feelings.
If my woman meets someone she likes and wants to be intimate with him, and the other person has similar tendencies, I’ll be pissed if she doesn’t pursue it.
For those who missed it the first time, let me repeat: I want my woman to “lay around”.
I would be upset if physical pleasure was offered to her and she wanted it and she didn’t “pursue” it.
I would be horrified to think that she turned it down out of respect for me and my feelings of jealousy, or out of a sense of obligation to me.
Our family operates with rational thinking. Our emotions, like everyone else’s, have little to do with rational thought.
This is a huge barrier to communication, but if you can find a way to overcome it, you are in a very good position.
We communicate constantly and, to be honest, our external “problems” are few and far between. On the other hand, the freedom to have feelings made this one of the easiest and best relationships I’ve ever had.
Honesty is pre-specified and trust is built on that basis and we have been very satisfied for over 7 years.
We realized that intimacy and intimacy are not synonymous.
We’ve both been in relationships where closeness was a substitute for intimacy, but we both felt that intimacy was lacking.
We both found ourselves in abusive and controlling relationships that made us unhappy and unhealthy. I have the unique privilege of having been on both sides, both the abuser and the abused, at various points in my life.
We discovered our intimacy, and (surprisingly!) Being intimate has little to do with it.
Don’t get me wrong, intimacy is still fun, we still chase each other around the living room from time to time, but it’s not a *replacement* for anything.
On the other hand, being physically together brings intimacy, but it’s more than just a physical act.
It’s about hugging, caressing, murmuring, focusing 100% on each other, getting into each other’s hearts and minds, sharing life and love and warmth and happiness.
In other words, it’s intimate. And yes, it’s intimacy. But just as the two are mutually exclusive, they are not mutually necessary.
The intimacy I have with a woman is extremely valuable to me and I wouldn’t trade her for the world. We communicate so she knows she feels the same way about me too.
Alex Alexander is a pseudonym. The author of this article is known to his YourTango but has chosen to remain anonymous.