I have never lived with a lover. I spent countless hours with them, many days on end, and we would even store things in each other’s places. But when it comes to living together, I haven’t done it yet.
I’m not against living with the person I’m dating for religious or moral reasons. In an expensive city like New York, it makes sense to live together if you and your boyfriend know you’ll be living there long-term (although economics may be the main reason for living together). This should not happen!).
Maybe I haven’t found someone to be “long with” yet, or maybe, and more likely than not, I’m just set in my ways.
First of all, I love living alone.
I love having my own space to go to when I need a break from love.
I love being able to indulge in my “single gal” behavior, but it’s something gals do in private, so I won’t go into it. I love that every day is naked day in my apartment, I can keep things wherever I want, and I have that option if I don’t want to do the dishes for weeks.
Admittedly, I’m one of those anal people who have to wash dishes immediately after using them, but still, no one gets hooked on the grill enough to tell me how dirty I get. Scrambled eggs will spoil in the pot for over a month.
There is also an economic end.
Granted, I pay a lot of money for housing, so living together would provide some financial relief, but money can also put a strain on a relationship.
How does it work if the two parties don’t make the same amount of money, or if one makes much more? Does the person who rolls the dough pay more? Does it have to be 50/50 no matter what? Would you like to merge your bank accounts since we are together? Do you suddenly share a savings account just because you get along well with someone?
These are questions you don’t want to answer. I don’t want to budget, I don’t want to trust anyone when sharing financial responsibilities, and I definitely don’t want to spend my days naked in my apartment.
Some people might argue that if you’re in a relationship, you shouldn’t have any qualms about being nude in front of your partner, but for me, that’s rarely the case. I have too many body issues to make dinner in my underwear in front of anyone.
We might break up — who will buy the apartment then? Who has moved to live on a friend’s couch while trying to deal with the clutter in their room? How do you split your record collection? Again, this is a question I don’t want to think about outside of this essay.
After all, I’m not going to live with a man until I have a ring on my finger and I know he’s going to “win it,” as the saying goes.
I have had too many relationships end in devastating ways. If I had decided to live with them, they would have had an even messier ending.
Amanda Chatel is an essayist and intimacy health writer for Yourtango, Shape Magazine, Hello Giggles, Glamor, and Harper’s Bazaar.