There’s a big difference between understanding how to say “I love you” and saying “I love you.”
Anyone can say “I love you”. You can say it to your brother, your best friend, and your dog. Loving someone is great, but it’s not as purely romantic as saying, “I love you.”
Saying “I love you” to your partner shows that you really care about them, but it doesn’t really convey the intensity of your love.
Here’s why saying “I love you” is much harder than saying “I love you.”
1. You are the most vulnerable.
These two phrases are very different and will affect both you and your partner differently. Telling your partner that you’re in love with him or her leaves you in a much more vulnerable position than before. You can tell 20 people that you love them, but you end up telling your partner that they are the only person in your life.
For more on embracing vulnerability, watch Breneé Brown’s TED Talk below.
You’re putting yourself at more risk. This is also why when a person is on the receiving end of the words “I love you,” it feels different and more powerful.
2. You give the other person more power over your feelings.
Loving someone stirs up certain emotions within you. It’s the common (but very real) feeling of a butterfly. It’s a romantic connection. It’s about opening your heart completely.
Naturally, letting someone know that they have incredible access to you and your emotions gives them even more power over you. Once you say it, both of you will understand. That’s part of why it’s so hard to say in the first place, especially if you pride yourself on being an independent person.
3. There is a possibility of heartbreak.
Heartbreak can occur when a beloved friendship ends. This is especially likely to happen when someone close to you dies. But anyone who has ever been heartbroken by a lover knows that that particular, incredible pain can tear you apart, sometimes for years.
When you say you love someone, you open yourself up to that possibility. I know it’s a very scary thing to say these words. Even if you know you’re in love, saying it out loud makes it all the more real and even scarier. You are making a very high stakes bet here.
4. You have to trust.
When you know how to say “I love you” and tell it to someone, you put yourself in the most vulnerable position, so you have no choice but to trust them. For many people, learning to trust is a big challenge because they have been hurt or betrayed in the past. When you give your heart to someone, it’s like jumping off a ledge and hoping there’s a giant net at the bottom.
5. You must face your fears.
If you’ve been in love before, telling someone you’re in love with someone new will definitely bring back old feelings. When someone you love hurts you, it leaves behind a trauma that you will never forget. When a new person appears, that experience pops up in your head, warning you to be careful.
You may be able to be somewhat reserved during the date, but once you decide that you like him, you will become more cautious. She is forced to confront her past bad feelings, hoping that things will be different this time.
6. You give yourself completely to your partner.
When you say you love someone, you are leaving all your chips on the table. You’ve shown them your hand, so you should hope for the best. You show (and can’t help but admit to) that person that you are completely devoted to him. You can’t take it back.
A man named Benedict Smith once wrote: “When I asked her if she believed in love, she smiled and said it was her most elaborate act of self-harm.” Falling in love is scary yet wonderful, terrifying yet rewarding. But no matter how scary it may be, no matter how hurtful it may be, when you find the right person, it’s worth saying, “I love you.”
You can’t protect yourself forever, and if you do, you’ll be closing yourself off from the whole world. It may be one of the hardest things for you to do, but it means so much.
Taylor Markarian Freelance writer and editor with special interests in music, lifestyle, culture, art, entertainment, and literature. Her work has been featured in Reader’s Digest, Fox News, Insider, BRIDES, Alternative Press, Loudwire, Kerrang!, MSN, and many other publications.