Sometimes things happen in life when you least expect it.
You may be on a particular path, but something outside of your control may throw you off track, leaving you with no choice but to endure change and get back up again. Unfortunately, this is easier said than done.
A woman finds her boyfriend’s success immeasurable and struggles to find the motivation to motivate herself.
in Reddit posta 25-year-old woman opened up about her jealousy of her 27-year-old boyfriend’s successful career while feeling stuck working in the restaurant industry.
She explained that they met because they were studying in the same program at university and have been dating ever since.
While at university, she studied law with the dream of going into the field of corporate law or international politics. During her third year, her mother died of cancer, and just weeks later her sister was hit by a drunk driver.
She lost her mother within weeks and couldn’t bear the pain of having her sister paralyzed. She was already having trouble managing her grades, so she ended up dropping out of school and losing her scholarship as well.
Her boyfriend, who went on to graduate with many degrees, never held anything against her. According to her, he started his career by the age of 25, had the opportunity to travel all over the world, and left behind six figures.
“I’m really proud of everything he’s accomplished,” she said. “He really deserves all of that. But I can’t help but hate myself. He’s accomplished so much and I’ve accomplished so little. Every time I win a new award, write a letter of recommendation to another college student, or go on a new adventure, I die even more inside.”
She hates herself for dropping out of school and wasting her 20s being “depressed and lethargic.”
She explained that she suffers from depression and anxiety and has a hard time empathizing with herself and her experiences.
Her boyfriend is unaware of how serious her mental state has become. She hides her jealousy and self-loathing from him so as not to burden him with her own suffering, but she suffers in silence.
She said she felt an inconsolable sense of loss and had no idea how to help herself. She wishes she had made better choices, and she blames herself for “ruining her life.”
“I feel like a completely different person than when my boyfriend and I started dating,” she wrote in the post. “I used to have so much energy and hope for the future. Now I just feel tired, confused, and sad.”
She revealed that she comes from an Asian family and was pressured to pursue a career that would give her the financial freedom that her low-income parents didn’t have. She explained that her parents were genocide survivors and helping the “downtrodden and forgotten” has always been close to her heart and was her plan to become a human rights lawyer.
She hopes to be as successful as her other first-generation Asian cousins.
Sadly, her father called her a failure and claimed that her mother died for nothing, which likely had a huge impact on her mental health. She plans to prove him wrong, but she has no idea where to start, she said.
She said she wanted to go back to university but didn’t have the money and didn’t know what to study.
Reddit users are posting comments sharing similar experiences and offering hopeful solutions and sentiments.
“You can’t undo the past, but you can change the future! Channel that jealousy into productivity,” one person commented. “My father passed away and my mother got cancer, so I took extra time to finish college (actually, I’m still in school). It’s a long way off, but no one cares. You got this.”
Another Reddit user suggested opening up to your boyfriend and asking him for support in returning to college.
“It’s okay if you don’t have a clear end goal in mind right now. It’s really fun to look around and think about what you might be able to do. Then talk it through.” [your boyfriend] “Once you make a plan, you might find some really fresh inspiration,” they shared.
Reddit users also suggested they consider applying for federal student loans or the FAFSA to help them return to college. “You have already accomplished a lot of humanitarian work by taking care of your mother and sister. Even if it didn’t get recognized, it was important and worthwhile,” said one. I assured her.
“Lawyer employers don’t frown upon people who later go into the practice of law,” said another. “Practicing law requires some tenacity. The fact that you have been through so much and come back to finish college and law school means that you are faced with stumbling blocks (not caused by yourself). It shows that they have the ability to bounce back after.”
It’s never too late to pursue the path that’s right for you.
Comparison is the thief of joy, and this woman suffers from the harmful nature of comparison culture and negative self-talk. This behavior essentially prevents her from moving forward and taking her right steps towards her fulfilling life at her own pace.
If you find yourself in a situation in life that is out of your control and holds you back, it is never your fault. Show yourself empathy and kindness and know that you always have a chance to try again.
Regardless of the situation, it is important to normalize your own holding space in order to recover from past painful experiences. There are always options, so don’t forget to ask for help if needed and consider your options.
If you or someone you know is experiencing mental distress, call 988 Suicide & Crisis 24/7 by dialing or texting 988, or by using our chat service: Please contact Lifeline. Suicide and crisis lifeline Connect with a trained crisis counselor.
Francesca Duarte is a writer on YourTango’s news and entertainment team based in Orlando, Florida. She covers lifestyle, human interest, and spirituality topics.